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Jogger's Log |
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August 2012 04:46 02/08/2012 Wednesday night... Yes, yes, I know, it's Thursday morning, but I haven't slept yet so it's Wednesday night as far as I'm concerned. Also, I haven't run yet. I don't want to either. But I guess I will put the kit on and go outside just for the hell of it... 05:03 02/08/2012 ...Just 5 minutes, or less even. I jogged a bit but it didn't feel right. Ah well...
The last couple of days I've felt quite depressed about my poor old body. That knee feels much more injured than it did before seeing the osteopath yesterday. It isn't more injured of course but I'm feeling it more. I've been eating too much and moping about mostly, feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I've been running away from myself. And I feel like I've now been caught. Caught up by my mortality, ...by my age, ...by the inevitable breakdown of my body. Yes, probably this knee will recover to a great extent but then there will be something else and something else until finally my body breaks down and can't heal itself any more. Today I feel as if there is no point fighting it. I don't really believe that, but I do feel it. There has to be a proper time for giving up and this feels like it. I'll try again another time. 03:12 04/08/2012 Friday night... A token run. 05:16 05/08/2012 Sunday morning... An energetic run. One street further than last time. Didn't do any kerb-hopping. It took about half an hour but I forgot to time it. I met three semi-naked guys on their way back from an eventful Saturday night out. One of them, clad only in a pair of white underpants and holding a lit cigarette, ran alongside me for a hundred metres and then rejoined his friends. I also saw a fox, running (foxes are always running - I don't think I've ever seen one walking - oh, I have, but that fox was dying of mange or something and was walking about outside my window. My neighbour found it dead in her garden the following day) along a back path. I often see a fox on that path. Foxes have their regular nightly patrols I think. Another of my neighbours hates foxes for some reason - maybe because they dig up his garden, I don't know. In any case he said he used to shoot them when they came around but then he realised that was pointless because when you shoot one fox another just moves into the vacant territory, so you can never get rid of them. The running didn't come easily today but that didn't matter. It felt good to make an effort. And I really enjoyed being out in the (almost) totally empty streets. I can breathe when I'm on my own in a way I can't at any other time of day when there are people about. I like people too but I need solitude. Solitude indoors doesn't count - or not in the same way at least. I need solitude outdoors, and in the area where I live now I can only find that solitude between about 1am and 5am, or a bit later on Sunday morning and a bit later on any morning if I go out into the woods rather than in the streets. Bad weather like rain or extreme cold can also chase the crowds away. 02:36 13/08/2012 Sunday night... Been away a couple of days and before that working stupid hours. Want to get running again. Tomorrow. Missed a week! Was swimming in the sea today. Nice. Saw a seal, ...and saw a cormorant catch and swallow an unfeasibly large eel. Lovely weekend in fact. 23:46 16/08/2012 Thursday night... A brief run. To the end of the road. Walked back. Didn't feel like running. Felt heavy. It's been a while. 06:02 20/08/2012 Monday morning... Not running. I don't feel like running. Been meditating. Doing yoga. I don't know what I'm going to do with this running project. I don't feel I want to disturb the peace by making that kind of effort. I think I'm going to take a bit of a break from the running. Well, I have already, but I think I'm going to take a conscious and deliberate break from it now. |